Q. How would I know you’re telling the truth?

Q. Would that be in the self acclaimed (and misspelt) “London’s premier author & performer extrordinair” down to earth kind of way?

“Allergy advice: Recipe contains Cashew nuts.”
“Caution: Not suitable for small children who can choke on nuts”

‘Hi Jean!’ said Hugh Man excitedly.

‘What’s your problem? Do I smell?’ asked Jean in a rush of panic.

‘What are you on about?’ replied Hugh with a wave of confusion.

‘Hygiene. What’s wrong with my bloody hygiene?’ Jean began to angrily shout.

‘Hugh, man. You’re so bloody rude!’ she continued.

‘Listen, you’re clearly getting the wrong end of the stick. It’s a bit much to right off a whole fricking specie as rude’ reasoned Hugh.

‘What, I’ve done nothing of the sort. But I’m not having you say I smell!’ snapped Jean.

‘Humans. Rudeness. You’re so horrifically generalizing. Get bent, or better still, go shower!’ said Hugh.

‘Man, I’m out of here’ said Jean.

‘So what, we’re not even on first name basis now? Don’t trip on the way out’ yelled Hugh…Man.

“Come through. What’s the problem?”
“My head’s been stuck in numbers all day.”
“Right. Well, what type?”
“Oh the usual. Things are pretty tight.”
“Well, I did warn you this could happen.”
“Okay, okay. You were right. I miscalculated.”
“So you’ll stay out of the fours, sixes, eights and nines next time?”
“Yes Sir. Only ones, twos, threes, fives and sevens from now on!”
“Good. You’re just not ready for the deep end. Now, run along.”

Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber at a West End opening -

She was absolutely fantastic. I give her 101%

Starring Actress -

People talk about cloud nine. I’m on cloud 108!